Ventura stay-at-home mom

I'm a stay at home mom with four children who we homeschool. I am born-again Christian and just trying my best to raise my kids right. ONe child(at least) is ADHD and we have chosen for the moment not to medicate. This might change as he gets older. I'm bi-polar and Obsessive-compulsive. I'm on meds and for the most part, doing great. So that's us in a nutshell.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Marriage

My DH called last night and started that all familiar comversation about the things we will do when he gets home. That got me remembering about a time not so long ago when he had had similar aspirations.

I had just had my DD and the boys were 2 and 3. I was in the kitchen trying to get dinner ready before she woke up and while the boys were still occupied watching a movie. DH came up behind me, his desires very obvious, and said that he'd been "thinking about me". Thinking about me? All I'm thinking about is this gravy! Just gotta stir for a few more minutes. "And I was thinking that we could try to put the kids to bed early tonight," he continued, completely oblivious to my distracted state of mind. Is that the baby? Oh, she'll be alright for a few more minutes. Just three more minutes of stirring and dinner will be ready. "We could take a nice bubble bath together..." Everything's already on the table.... "and get some of that wine out that you like..." and I can just nurse her while we eat. Just one more....

Just then we heard the most ear-piercing scream which could only come from my 2yo. I dropped the wooden spoon and ran into the den. There my 2yo was lying on his belly, holding a little play car out away from him. His older brother apparently wanted it, because he was doing the "choke hold" (wait, how does a three year old even know how to do that?!) with on hand while reaching for the car with the other. Before I could react, my DD decided to join in the fun and she really started to wail! DH went directly to the boys, grabbing one under each arm and marched off to their room to discipline. I ran to my DD and picked her up, lovingly whispering in her ear that mama was here. I turned to walk over to see what was going on with the boys when.... is that smoke? What's burning... "THE GRAVY!!!" I ran into the kitchen and collapsed on the floor, DD looking up at me like I'd lost my mind.

DH came running after hearing me scream. "What? Why are you on the floor?" he asked, honestly confused. But all I could do was point. Over on the table was our family dog. He had taken the opportunity of our absence to get in all the food he could get. Dinner was ruined. "I'll go order pizza and then clean this up for you," DH offered. So I went and sat down on the couch and at least one person in our family was truly happy.

Later on when everyone was in bed and I was trying desperately to forget the day, my DH spooned up next to me and whispered "So?" After all that happened, we're still back in that kitchen with his manhood pressed up against me. Man he doesn't miss a beat. "Well, yeah, I'm exhausted, but I bet you're willing to get up with the baby twice tonight and then get up in the morning to feed the boys and get them dressed so that I can sleep in." I offered. "Yeah, ok. Another night then," he said back.

Sex in marriage? There's no time. There's no energy. So there's no sex.
Oh, well. They'll be out of the house soon enough. ;)

Thursday, December 01, 2005

I'm going nuts!

Why is it that my DH can work for four weeks at a time, come home, spend one day with the kids, and completely lose it; but I'm always supposed to be the strong one. Here I am, day after day, trying to homeschool, trying to find an alternative method of dealing with ADHD, trying to turn my kids into respectable adults, and I cannot have a bad day. When I do, it's like it's an inconvience to everyone else. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm losing it here. On top of everyday life, I'm also trying to find us a new home, which is a full time job! But, I'm scared right now. I'm scared that I won't find the right house, that DS4 will run out into the street because he sees a butterfly that he cannot resist, that there won't ever be enough money for a family of 6. It's really scary sometimes to be a grown up. Everyone tells you how hard it is, but in reality, it's much harder! I'm completely responsible for 4 people's livelihood and I can't seem to remember to get trash bags at the store. lol

I want so much to be a good mom and wife and most of the time I get the distinct impression that I'm really messing up. Sure, sometimes things are going really well for a few hours, and I think to myself, "You go girl! You are so good at being a mom!" But then the three oldest get into a knock-down, dragged-out, hair-pulling, fist-punching fight, and I remember that I ought to be humble- for pride always comes before the fall!

DH is due back from the boat in less than a week. I miss him so much; it's been a really long hitch living here with my mom. BUt the problem is what it always is: I miss him terribly, but I finally feel that I'm getting the hang of "single-parenting" and now he's going to come back and mess it all up. It's always been this way: four weeks to get used to him gone, two weeks to get used to him back. It's a viscious 6 week cycle that I've somewhat learned to deal with. Hopefully, one day we'll find a way for him to work a "regular" job and be home at nights. Sure would make a lot of things easier, like date-night and Bible studies and, well, life. I miss him so much when he's gone. I always hated that I like my DH so much and he's always gone. But other women who seem to hate their DH get to see them all the time. It's not fair.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Beginnings

My name is April. I am 24, married with four children. We are born-again Christian and are planning to homeschool all four children through high school. I guess you could say that Proverbs 31 has been a great source of passion for me. Two of my other passions are my family and my community (including politics). So I'd like to find a few women in Ventura county, CA to start a group with. No, not one of those support groups. And not quite an activist group. More like women ministering to each other outside of the typical "how are you" at church. I know that I'm not alone in this, but I long for women that I can share recipes and tips for housekeeping, swap babysitting, lament about husbands, talk about curricullum, and know that I will be covered in pray when I need it. I don't believe that it takes a village to raise a child, but I do believe that it takes a village's wives to keep a mother's sanity. NO offense to any men who might stumble on this blog, but you guys can really be annoying sometimes! I have three sons and my DH and it's just too much testosterone for me at times! :) So if there's anybody out there who'd like someone to lean on, someone to delve into scripture with, someone to calm you down when your three year old has once again wet the bed, then maybe we can start something great.

So, this is the beginning of my post. Later on I'm sure you'll here all about the injustices in this world ranging from no praying in school to not being able to have just one meal to myself, even if I do it in the middle of the night!